Duu Yuu Muumuu?

In follow-up to yesterday's post, a friend sent me a commiserating message. She, too, was bemoaning how her clothes don't fit like they used to. She joked that she had been shopping for muumuus. "Where does one shop for muumuus?" I asked, because how the heck would I know?, and she helpfully responded with this link from the Vermont Country Store. Because friends don't let friends... oh wait, that's not really appropriate here. We're enabling, not preventing.

After perusing the website, I would agree that the VCS is definitely the go-to purveyor of muumuus. They boast an extensive selection: 58 (fifty-eight!) different varieties of muumuus, caftans, loungers, "patio dresses" (?) and "floats" (??), in sizes small through 3X.

I know what you're thinking. "Why so many varieties?" Well, because how boring would it be if they were all black and brown? SNNNZZZ! But more than that, you're probably wondering what I am, which is small? They make small muumuus? Isn't that an oxymoron? Like jumbo shrimp?

Well, whatever the reason, it appears that muumuus are in great demand, and the VCS is responding to its savvy muumuu consumers' demands! As a value-added service to my seven readers, I present but a small selection, annotated with my snarky comments:

 
Behold, the square-neck crinkled cotton float (what's a float?) in slimming solid colors. Because you wouldn't want anyone to think you're trying to hide anything in there.

 
Here we have the Long and Loose (hey, who're you calling loose?) Batik Muumuu: Unrestricting Fit with Flair. Flair is defined as "a uniquely attractive quality", and are you also thinking that this might be another oxymoron?

This is Our Cotton Gauze Muumuu: The coolest of all garments. And D minor...is the saddest of all keys, I find. People weep instantly when they hear it, and I don't know why.

 
The Water Garden muumuu cools and refreshes. So does a douche. Or a Miller Lite. (But in a different way, of course.)

This cool, crisp chambray patio dress is "faniced up with embroidery." Because nothing says "fancy" like embroidery, and nothing can be "fancied up" quite like a patio dress. Which appears to be very much the same as a muumuu.

And, finally:

The Polka-Dot Party Lounger Shows Off Your Fun Side! Oh, my. First of all, "party lounger" is yet another oxymoron. And second, I thought muumuus were designed to hide all of your sides!

Please, don't misunderstand.  I've nothing against the venerable muumuu or anyone who wears one. If that's what works for you, then great. But because mentally I am in 7th grade, the descriptions made me giggle. I mean, when you look at them all, it's pretty much all the same basic dress, just in different colors with slight variations in styling and trim. And if you're looking to buy one, you probably don't need to be "sold" on one versus the other.  You have outgrown all your "skinny clothes" so want a muumuu. You like red, and embroidery. (Fancy!) You need a size L, you put it into your cart and click "checkout." Done.

Wanna read more about muumuus on Wikipedia? Of course you do. You might learn something.