Standing on Ceremony. And dirt.

You know how in some houses, the rule is that you remove your shoes upon entering? I’m not talking about homes where that’s the cultural custom. I’m talking about people you probably know – maybe you’re one of them? – who have a “thing” about tracking dirt into the house. They usually have pristine white carpet or ceramic tile. They often have shades of OCD, too. These people would rather have you march around in your socks lest you sully – or infect – their floors.

I just swept up a stunning amount of dog hair and dirt and flotsam and crumbs and jetsam and filth from my kitchen and family room floors. And I have hereby decided that henceforth, our home will be a SHOES ON home. That’s right. Frankly, it’s for your own protection. I would not want my squalid floors to sully your pristine white socks, and I’d hate for you to contract an infection just because you were afraid of making my floors dirty.  Trust me, we've got the "dirty" covered here.

No, I don’t want you to stand on ceremony. I do want you to stand on my floors. But with you shoes on. Please, in the name of all that is good and holy, do not risk the consequences of shoeless feet in my home. Because the dirty truth is, you’d be shocked and appalled at the discoloration on the bottom of your socks if you took a stroll through my house in them. Wearing shoes here is really such an easy rule-out.

So please, let's save each other the embarrassment, shall we?

Now go over there by the door and put your shoes back on.