Green turkey chili
The Winter That Wouldn't End

March is the New February

Welcome to a Fooleryland-style NO PUNCTUATION TUESDAY wherein I shall be venting about WINTER and specifically this latest insult of a MARCH SNOWSTORM that dumped around 7 inches of snow onto OUR DRIVEWAY and ushered in with it another round of EXTREME COLD that makes me wonder if somehow I have been transported to SIBERIA

Siberia

because this kind of weather is most definitely atypical of the Washington DC area ever let alone THREE WEEKS BEFORE THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING

And schools are closed again today because THE ROADS ARE ICY and so the kids are all still in bed which is great because it’s WARM in bed as opposed to in the rest of the house because it turns out our aging furnace decided on Friday night that it had had enough of being overworked and underpaid and unappreciated so it went ON STRIKE

  https://www.hclib.org/pub/search/specialcollections/mplshistory/?id=18

I became aware of this development when around 4am I realized that my face was COLD which prompted me to get out of bed and investigate why someone would have turned off the thermostat only I discovered it was on but the heat WASN'T and the temperature in the house was down to 58 DEGREES

MC900053398

FARENHEIT

INSIDE MY HOUSE

So naturally I went back to bed and notified the husband who groaned and rolled over and resumed snoring and so I tucked back under the blankets and tried to rewarm myself until morning at which point BASED ON ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I decided that the old thermostat was broken and went out to buy a new one and came home and installed it

BUT NOTHING HAPPENED

So we set up our two space heaters and got a fire going in the fireplace and borrowed some more space heaters from the neighbors and then we rang the service guys who came out later that day and identified the cause of our frigid interior temps as THE INDUCER

http://www.northamericahvac.com/servlet/the-9319/OEM-Carrier-Bryant-Payne/Detail

whose motor had frozen (HAHAHAHAAAA) but they couldn’t get the replacement until the shop opened Monday 

Only on Monday there was rain and then sleet and then half a foot of snow and of course they didn’t brave the roads and then last night was POLAR VORTEX THE SEQUEL

http://science.time.com/2014/01/06/climate-change-driving-cold-weather/
It's cold y'all

and our region shattered previous record low temperatures and now it is Tuesday morning DAY FOUR and the fire is still going and the space heaters are trying their best to keep me from GOING BATSHIT CRAZY AND FREEZING TO DEATH

but it's a losing battle on both fronts

And we deliberately didn’t complain on Facebook at large because honestly we didn’t want anyone to worry about us because really we are fine I mean we have electricity and internet and tons of food and what more do you need than that and an extra sweater or pair of socks and a bottomless cup of hot tea to keep warm

But this is DAY FOUR and I hadn’t yet heard from the repair guy so I just called and they put me on hold ma’am and then came back on the phone and said ma’am will you be available ma’am between 11 and 2 today ma’am and I said YES I WILL BE HERE ALL DAY AND THE SOONER THE BETTER BECAUSE THIS IS THE FOURTH DAY OF THIS COLD ROUTINE AND I AM COLD AND I AM SO OVER THIS WINTER PLEASE MAKE IT STOP

And so I sit at my kitchen table in my 55 degree kitchen and watch the driveway for the service vehicle and when they finally come and fix our striking furnace I'm going to jack up my brand new thermostat to 80 DEGREES because I DON'T WANT TO BE COLD ANY MORE

Period

End of story

 

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