Soup Is Not A Finger Food

Broken

YOU KNOW HOW SOME DAYS, everything that happens to you is tied together with a common theme, a leitmotif if you will? Yesterday's theme was BROKEN. 

And yes, I realize these are first-world problems, but still, they are my problems and this is my blog and so I am going to tell you about them.

I took the 'Burb back to the body shop that fixed it in December because the right-side headlights - the ones they had replaced - were noticeably dimmer than the ones on the left.  We waited, thinking it would be an quick 'n' easy swap of defective headlights for new.

Peezer was very patient. Here, he is lobbying me for an E5, after consuming an A6. I spent $2.25 on a junk-food breakfast for him while we cooled our heels.

Alas, as these things often go, it wasn't a quick fix, so they finally put me into a rental car and sent us on our merry way.

Meanwhile, yesterday was a Federal Holiday so the boys were off school. After a morning of quiet reflection on the importance of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s contributions to the advancement of racial equality in the United States of America sleeping in and playing video games, Seth decided to go longboarding on a sunny, cold Monday. As I was fetching Peezer from an afternoon playdate, Seth called me, the distress in his voice evident: "WHERE ARE YOU?"

Me: "I'm on my way home, where are YOU?"

Him: "In the 'hood. Can you come pick me up?"

Me: "Why, what happened?"

Him: "I think I broke my foot."

Thank goodness he was wearing his helmet. If only he'd worn it on his FOOT.

It wasn't dramatic, but the swelling was evident and he was in pain, so Curt hustled him out for a fun evening at the ER where they confirmed our suspicions, wrapped his foot, gave him a Vicodin and sent him home with instructions to get a cast in the next day or two.

 

Honestly, we're taking this in stride. This was our first ER visit since February 2006! And it's the first broken bone for any of our kids.  Of course, this is going to put a big damper on that whole learning-to-drive thing. You see, last Friday, Seth obtained his learner's permit (he aced the exam!). I don't want to say I'm relieved, but... well, part of me isn't upset about having to wait a little while longer on that.

While they were at the ER, I got on the phone with Maneesh, a nice man at Verizon DSL who walked me through countless ipconfigs and pings and restarts, all in the name of restoring wireless internet and, consequently, calm to this increasingly wired family. The DSL quit working on Friday, right after I'd spent almost three hours at the MVA with Seth, and I just didn't have the energy to call India then.  We were away for the weekend, but the minute we returned, the boys were all MOM, CAN YOU PLEEEEEASE FIX THE INTERNET??? (Well, no, I can't fix the Internet, but I can try to restore connectivity to our home, would that work?)

Never mind the fact that I can't Facebook  play Words with Friends  Blog  work if I don't have internet access. It was as if they were afraid I would forget!

The sillies!

After 90 minutes of "Yes, ma'am, okay ma'am, would you please try one thing for me, ma'am?", Maneesh determined that while he had successfully restored DSL connectivity, I was on my own with the wireless router. Maneesh helpfully offered to connect me with their "Expert Care" service, where, for $14.99 for a "six month subscription" they would help me get it up and running. I said no thanks, Maneesh, give me a tracking number and I'll try it myself. 

 And guess what?  I GOT IT WORKING AGAIN!

I'm trying hard not to be smug, Maneesh, but I've got your Expert Care right here, buddy. 

So, to recap: The internet is fixed, the patient is resting comfortably, and I'm about to go take one of Seth's Vicodin return the rental car and pick up my beloved Burb.  You see? We have problems and we address them head-on and we FIX. THEM.

Now, who wants to come help me assemble a coffee table that's been in its box since it arrived almost two weeks ago? Anyone? Bueller?? 

 

Escape

THINGS ARE PROCEEDING APACE here at Casa de Soup. Yesterday, the insurance adjuster came to see things. It sounds like he's willing to coordinate with the estimates provided by the restoration / repair company. Meanwhile, I have to prepare a list of contents we lost and the replacement value of each. So, I've been Googling bikes and lawn mowers and string trimmers and basketball backboards and Little Tykes sliding board and hammocks and all kinds of stuff I'd forgotten we had stored in our shed.

Today's circus includes the "duct suckers" (air duct cleaners, who just arrived), and carpet cleaners, scheduled to be here soon. Meanwhile, I have a guy from DirecTV outside who seems to be very busy reinstalling our satellite dish. Things didn't start out so well this morning between me and Parfait (that's his first name and I'm not even making this up):

HIM: I can't bury your cable.

ME: Of course you can. The last guy did it.

HIM: But I will have to charge you.

ME: Yes, that's fine, whatever it takes.

HIM: But the ground is probably frozen.

ME: Well, we can try it first and see, can't we?

HIM: I don't have a shovel.

ME: You can use ours!

HIM: OK, I'll have to charge you $100. How do you want to pay me?

ME: Can I write you a check?

HIM: I would prefer cash.

ME:

HIM: I'll give you a receipt.

ME: I don't have cash on me.

HIM: Well, when you take your son to school [which he knew was about to happen], you can stop and get some cash.

ME: Um, no, I have a lot of stuff going on today, due to the fact that my house almost burned to the ground, and I don't have time to stop. It will be easier for me to write you a check. Can you cash a check?

HIM: Oh. It's okay.

Every time I call them, DirecTV thanks me for being a loyal customer since 2004. Let me assure you, it isn't because of their stellar installation contractors, because the last time we had a guy come out we had much the same go-round. No, we have them mostly because they are the lesser of two evils, because Comcast/XFinity is operated by Satan himself. We can't get Verizon Fios where we live, otherwise we'd switch in a heartbeat.

So I have Parfait digging in the back yard and Ozzie sucking gunk out of my ducts, and who knocks on my front door but two Jehovah's Witnesses, offering me copies of the Watchtower! Fortunately they saw the work trucks in the driveway and didn't ask for time to talk. I thanked them for the copies and away they went.

Fortunately, Calgon is going to take me away from the madness, albeit briefly. In 25 hours I will board a plane, destination Ft. Myers, Florida -

 

where the forecast includes sunshine, temperatures in the '80s, plenty of wine, a float on a boat, and probably no one under the age of 70. I'm going - solo! - to visit my mom and her husband at their new home.

For the record, this little jaunt was planned before my home almost burned down, but I need it a hundred times more now than I did when I booked it earlier this month.  Big thanks to Curt for making it possible for me to clear my head of smoke and soot and replacement value and contractors and snow and all the what-ifs circulating in my brain.

Now if you'll excuse me, it looks like Parfait is done and our TV is working again. Hallelujah! He has asked me to make the check payable to a company name, not him personally, so nice try on the "pay me in cash", friend, but let's keep this one above-board.

New Year, New Look

CHECK IT OUT! Soup Is Not A Finger Food has a brand-new look! And it's all because I was lucky enough to win a contest hosted by the uber-talented Marcy Massura. (You see what happens when you read blogs? You can win stuff!)

Anyway, I left a comment on her funny, funny blog, The Glamorous Life, which earned me a chance to win Marcy's mad design skillz in the form of a new blog header. For free! And not only did she do that, she also gave me some pointers on color schemes and organizing my space here and all kinds of other stuff. Because she's awesome like that.

Along with the new header, I've tried to tidy up the info over there, on the right. I added a new "About Me" page, too. (Link is below the ads.) I took away the blogroll, but fear not, I'm going to re-add it on a whole different page. Coming soon. I promise.

My hope is that with a fresh new design, I might become re-inspired to post more often.  Regardless, I love the new look and would like to thank Marcy for rigging the random number generator to choose me. Kidding! I'm sure my desperate plea and sorry state of my blog had nothing to do with it. 

Randomocracy

(Cue the music... wait for it... there. The player's at the bottom if you want to turn it off, but seriously, why would you not want to listen to this song?)

I'd like to share a few random thoughts this Thursday.  Three things, in fact.  But I can't call it Three Thing Thursday because Chesapeake Bay Woman coined and patented that term, and she'd be hosting it today on her blog if The Lord God Himself hadn't sent her a message in the form of a lightning strike that fried her dial-up modem. And The Lord Said: GET BROADBAND ALREADY. (And a surge protector.)  I hear she'll have it by the weekend.  Meanwhile, you can settle for me:

 

You know how in infomercials, there's always that black & white footage of a harried, disheveled, completely frustrated person, sighing and rolling their eyes and blowing their hair out of their face, doing it "the old way," having not yet been saved by the product that's being sold?  I wanna know how I can be that actor.

 

During Seth's 8th grade interminable promotion ceremony, millions of many awards were given out for everything from academic excellence and potential to citizenship and community service to perfect attendance. One of the math teachers was presenting a series of awards, and as she read the text, prepared by another teacher, describing the student, she said that he was the epi-TOME of blah blah blah I stopped listening to the rest because oh no did that middle school teacher, a native English speaker who must hold at least one college degree, really prononunce it epi-TOME??? I whirled around, eyes wide, and said to my friend's mother, "Well, she is a Math teacher..." and Mom replied, "Does that mean she doesn't have to speak English??"  gah.

 

When I left the farm, I thought my days of sidestepping animal poo were behind me. However, thanks to the thousands of many geese who make my suburban Metro station their home, I can continue to dodge and juke, just like in the country. These satanic fowl are fond of dropping their doody in the middle of the sidewalks, the parking lot, or really, anywhere they feel the urge.

 

And a bonus tune, because I can't get it out of my head, but it makes me happy and mellow, and we all could use a little of that on a Thursday.

Free MP3 Downloads at MP3-Codes.com

Help my friend and you could win an iPod!

My friend (and neighbor) Eric is involved in a new business venture.  He has taken his years of experience working for car dealerships and turned them into a great concept. The Byers Group is an independent (i.e., not tied to any dealership or car company) group that will negotiate your next car purchase, no matter what type of car you want to purchase (new or used) or where you live in the U.S. "We know the Tricks of the Trade," he says, and it's true.

In other words? He's using his superpowers for good and not evil.

Naturally, he's trying to spread the word, and he's harnessing the power of social media. In exchange for your help, you'll be entered to win an 8G iPod Nano, and if you're still playing music on ancient compact discs like me (shut up), this is a sweet, sweet prospect. It's easy:

Until March 15th, 2010 at 5:00pm, The Byers Group will be hosting a contest to win an all new 5th Generation iPod Nano. There is no charge to enter the contest, in fact, it's easy as pie. You can enter to win in one of three ways (or all three if you like,there is no maximum number of entries)

Become a fan of The Byers Group's Byers Pros on Facebook. Spread the word by Tagging the Byers Pros' Facebook Fan Page using the @ symbol.

Follow Byers Pros on Twitter and RT the Phrase "ByersPros is giving away an iPod Nano follow @ByersPros ".

Each RT counts as one entry. Each Tag on Facebook (as outlined above) RT on Twitter and Membership of our Newsletter counts as an entry. On March 16th, One participant will be chosen at random, so the more you spread the word, the better your chances. Total number of entries will determine the odds of winning. One iPod Nano 8GB will be awarded on the 16th.